The dumb blonde and her used car!

A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.

One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car."

"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter on your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"

"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"

Pasteurized

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful.

She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?"

The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."

The milkman asked, "Pasteurized?"

The blonde said, "No, just up to my tits."

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by yisman and curtis

M&M Factory

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?

A: She kept throwing out all the "W"s!

Lauren Joke by Amy

One night a group of middle aged women decided they would sit around, watch movies and drink.

As they sat there trying to decide what they wanted, they came to the choice of getting six packs each.

The only woman that seemed like she had a problem was the airhead blonde.

Trying to figure out what the problem was, one of the girlfriends asked,"Whats the problem? You think you need more?"

The blonde replied,"I dont know. How many beers are in a six pack?"

Blondes and Beer Bottles

What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up!:)

Blonde AND Polish!

A Sailor is sitting at a bar one night and is chatting it up with a beautiful blonde. After some drinks she starts to cry and tell him the sad story that she is Polish and misses home terribly but can't afford to buy a ticket to go home.

The sailor tells her his profession and makes a deal with her.
"I'll hide you away on my ship on one condition.
You have to have sex with me when I ask."

She hugs him, crys and agrees. So late that night they sneak on to his ship and he hides her in a big life boat with a canvas cover. He tells her he'll bring her food and water and she'll just have to stay hidden because she'll be in big trouble if she's caught.

So for the next three weeks he brings her rations every day and sleeps with her every night.

Finally one day the captain is strolling on deck, sees something suspicious and lifts the cover discovering the girl. He yells "STOWAWAY!"

Scared she explains: "Dont be mad at me sir. One of your sailors stowed me away to take me home to Poland, and is having sex with me for payment!"

"No kidding? Lady... this is the Staten Island Ferry!"

Swimming race!!!

There is three girls in a 1000metre swimming race one Blonde swims 500metres and saids i am too tired i have to go back!!!

Blonde makin a joke

Q. What did the blonde say after she said made up a blonde joke?

A. Hahahaaaa who knew making jokes about reds was so fun.

Pencil or Tampon??!!

How can you tell when a blonde is having a bad day? Her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil

Horseback Riding

A blonde had a near death experience when she went horseback
riding the other day. Everything was going fine until the horse
started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to
hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly
get worse, her foot got caught in the stirrup. When this
happened, she fell head first to the ground. Her head continued
to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down.
Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the
Walmart manager happened to walk by and unplug the ride.

Blonde Coyote

Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?

A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Fire in the hole

What do you do when a blonde trowes a grenade at you?

Pull the pin and trow it back

Why did the blonde have square boobs ?

Because she forgot to take the tissue out of the box

Blonde goes to the bar

Q: Why did the blonde take a ladder to the bar?
A: Because she heard that drinks were on the house!

Grenade pin

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?

Run like hell cause she's got a grenade in her mouth!

Raking leaves

A: How did the blonde break her arm while she was raking leaves?
.
.
.
.
.
.

A: She fell out of the tree.

What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?

Her feet!

Question and answer blonde joke

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?A: Pregnant.

Sheep

Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and died brown.

A few days later, as she was driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass.

Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?"

The shepherd, always the gentleman replied, "Of course." The blonde thought for a moment and for no discernible reason said, "352."

This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandable, totally amazed and exclaimed, "You're right! O.K., I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock."

The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others.

When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "O.K., now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?"

Question and answer blonde joke

Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?A: Bobbing for french fries.