Q: How many guitarists

Q: How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: Five. One to change it, and four to stand around going "Huh ! I could've done that !"

Q: How many body

Q: How many body builders/weightlifters does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: Four. One to change the lightbulb. One to spot. The other two to stand and yell support (Come on! You can do it! etc...) But they only get three attempts.

Q: How many senior

Q: How many senior citizens does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: One, but she pays a telemarketer $2000 for the new bulb.

Q: How many Americal

Q: How many Americal college football players does it take to change a light bulb?A: The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

Q: How many Blue

Q: How many Blue Peter presenters does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: Two. One to change it, and one to turn the old one into an attractive Christmas tree decoration.

Q: How many Dario

Q: How many Dario Argento fans does it take to change a lightbulb?A: Two. One to change it and one to film the demise of the old one in explicit gorey detail, using obscure camera angles.

Untitled joke

How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None... that's hardware.

Q: How many Kennedy

Q: How many Kennedy assassination conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: 15--One to screw it in, five to say he acted alone, one to say that someone hidden in the ceiling helped, one to film it, one to do an intense examination of the film and conclude that a) it was tampered with and b) it proves that the first screwer did not act alone, one to insist that the bulb was altered after it was unscrewed, three tramps to walk across the room an hour later, one to insist LBJ really screwed the bulb in, and one to accuse all the others of being disinformation specialists.

Q: How many Capricorns

Q: How many Capricorns does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.

Q: How many newsmen

Q: How many newsmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Only one, but he'll tell everybody.

Q: How many programmers

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: One, but if he changes it, the whole building will probably fall down.

How many efficiency experts does it take to...

How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.

Q: How many Princeton

Q: How many Princeton students does it take to screw in a lightblub?A: I don't know, let me call my maid.Note: Princeton has a reputation for being wealthier than the other seven.

Q: How many SAS

Q: How many SAS programmers does it take to change a light bulb?A: One to analyze the historical failure rates of lightbulbs using PROC LIFEREG, so as to anticipate the failure of the lightbulb before the user actually has to report it, one to explain why SAS is better for changing lightbulbs than S-Plus, SPSS/X, BMDP, SYSTAT, MINITAB or a spreadsheet, one to write a custom interface in AF/SCL allowing the user to manually request the changing of the light bulb after its failure (prematurely) occurs, one to write a report with PROC SQL and PROC REPORT which will summarize the lightbulbs needing to be changed, sorted twelve different ways, cross-indexed (by wattage, type, and prematureness-of-failure) and totaled, one to actually spin the light bulb into the socket using SAS/Insight, one to call Cary to try to get them to explain when a new version of the lightbulb will ship, how much we'll pay to keep using lightbulbs for another year, and what we'll do if our site sends all its lightbulbs to Europe where 120V/60Hz lightbulbs tend to explode upon insertion in 220V/50Hz circuits, one to write an incomprehensible ten line SAS macro program which will perpetually insert new filaments into all mission critical lightbulbs until its author is fired, at which point the SAS macro will automatically encode itself into a copy of the latest SAS/ETS usage notes, one to write a graphical front end to the lightbulb changing process using SAS/EIS, with little speedometers showing the number of lightbulbs changed per hour, so that management can understand why we need to buy bigger lightbulbs, one to prepare a SUGI paper summarizing the entire lightbulb project, taking credit for the design and execution of the lightbulb project itself as well as the invention of the light bulb itself, another one to prepare a second SUGI paper benchmarking lightbulb replacement on twelve different types of light sockets, with separate graphs for florescent and incandescent bulbs (made with SAS/Graph, except for the titling, axes, color, polylines, and background, which were all added manually with Cricket Graph on a Mac), ten to push the dollie loaded with SAS/Lightbulb manuals, *and*, One more to ask SAS-L for help when you really need to change that bulb, NOW.

Q: How many psychiatrists

Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: How long have you been having this phantasy ?

Q: How many rec.humor

Q: How many rec.humor readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: 1000. And they change the same bulb over and over and over again and still no one notices it's been changed so they change it again and again and then they even discuss it and then someone flames them for not doing it in rec.humor.d.